What you put in, you'll get back ten fold
***** THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO THE SITE AND HELPING YOU,OTHERWISE IT CLOSES AND ALL THIS ON LINE GARAGE IS GONE FOR GOOD*****

Greetings and welcome to menders, this site was built for every owner that might need her to help keep those bills low and also keep them on the road where they belong, she is run by very passionate enthusiasts owners for passionate enthusiastic owners, see her like a on line garage, there is a lot of tech stuff hopefully explained for everyone to use, if there is something you cannot get your head around, or you feel that there is a strong walk through guide missing that needs creating by one of us or from yourselves, please let us know, we are also on false book and youtube, which as short tech vids to help, and again if you feel there is a vid that would help please get it touch.
the menders is free, but like everything there is a cost to run things and bills( we are just happy its not a heating cost), so if we have saved you hundreds, please throw a small donation in the pot so we can keep on going to carry on helping others in the same way .

*** we are currently looking for a sponsor for this year, so if you have the passion and can see this sites worth to everyone , please get in touch and step forward to help***

And thank heavens that we are now on the way back up the brighter ,warmer longer days, "come on summer", and lets see those project builds.


M-m

THE 6 BEST AFFAIRS

Make us laugh, in what ever way that maybe,Jokes, pic's, links etc
User avatar
Mazda Mender
Site Admin
Posts: 15069
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:18 pm
Location: Pie land, in the glen of Wiganshire
Contact:

THE 6 BEST AFFAIRS

Postby Mazda Mender » Wed May 27, 2015 10:45 am

This was sent by e-mail to me.....

THE 6 BEST AFFAIRS


The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.

One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'


She looked down at his shoes and said:


'You lying Bar Steward!
You've been playing golf!'



The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.

He told his wife:

'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'


The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'



The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.

'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.


'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'







The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'


The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'


The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'







The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'


'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

































________________________________________
The Disclaimer:-
This post is a natural product made from recycled electrons. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects, the articles/answers/comments are provided for information purposes and they are not intended to substitute informed professional advice, I or mazdamenders.net cannot personally be hold responsible for any damage occurred from following this procedure or any injuries from it. Proceed at your own risk.


Mk 1 Eunos 93 black V.S II 1.8 ,
Mk 2 .1/4 Roadster 99 black & gold V.S 1.8 .
Mk 1 Eunos 90 1.6 soul red ..f/ build
MK 2.1/4 Blue V.S Roadster 1.8 99 ..
MK1 1.8 ,white import.. (Ashleighs)
MK1 1.6 yellow J ltd import.f/build
MK 1 1.8 black Tokyo Ltd..f/build


http://www.mx5oc.co.uk/ http://www.mx5nutz.com/forum/ http://miata.net/ http://www.autolinkuk.co.uk/
User avatar
Yolo
Epic Poster
Posts: 1123
Joined: Sun Mar 17, 2013 10:39 pm
Location: Co.Antrim

Re: THE 6 BEST AFFAIRS

Postby Yolo » Wed May 27, 2015 9:38 pm

Brilliant . Even my good lady chuckled
:laughing-rolling: :laughing-rolling:
Mk 1 Eunos 1.6 Silver
Meister Suspension - Mk2.5 leather seats - IL Motorsport Bushes - 1.8 brake upgrade
Getting there slowly
viewtopic.php?f=35&t=4699

Return to “Chuckle Box”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests